The Real Reason Your Boyfriend Stays In Touch With His Ex


In life, most people have several romantic partners before they settle down. Sometimes, previous relationships end in breakups so nasty the former couple never sees each other again. Other times, though, the two amicably break up and stay in touch with each other long after the breakup.

That sounds nice on paper, but when it’s your own boyfriend who stays in touch with an ex (or maybe more than one ex), it naturally makes you paranoid. Just why would any guy stay in touch with someone after they’ve broken things off? Guys have many different reasons, but once you know what they are, you can better understand your own man’s motivation.

Just why is your boyfriend staying in touch with his ex? Keep reading to find out!

He’s still friends with his ex

Before you start freaking out about your own relationship, we wanted to start with the best-case scenario. Why is your boyfriend still chatting with his ex? It may be as simple as the two of them remaining good friends after breaking things off.

When you get right down to it, the idea that somebody should never again have anything to do with an ex is pretty old-fashioned. Chances are these two got together in the first place because they wanted to take an existing friendship to the next level. For many guys (and your boyfriend could easily be one of them), all a breakup does is resets the relationship back to that friendship stage. In that case, your boyfriend may stay in touch with his ex because he sees her as (more or less) one of the guys.

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Your boyfriend may be unhappy

Okay, with that best-case scenario out of the way, let’s dive into all the negative reasons that your boyfriend may be chatting up a former flame. One of the most common reasons this happens is, sadly, that the boyfriend in question isn’t happy with his current relationship.

When a guy isn’t happy in a relationship, it naturally makes him uncomfortable. Unfortunately, instead of confronting what is causing the unhappiness with his current partner, far too many guys find it easier to send a text to someone who made them happy before. In the short term, this can be a major ego boost. In the long term, he may even want to get back with his ex, and chatting with her now will make that easier to do weeks or months from now.

Remaining feelings for the ex

In a perfect world, both parties would talk things out and break up on very good terms. In reality, though, most relationships end when one person decides to break things off. And if your boyfriend got dumped by his previous partner, he may still be chatting with her for the simple reason that he still has feelings for her.

Psychologically speaking, getting suddenly dumped means a guy doesn’t have much time to process the breakup and admit to himself that things are definitely over. He most likely still has feelings for the ex, and keeping in touch with her means that he doesn’t have to take the hard step of moving on and admitting the old relationship is now firmly in his rearview mirror.

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Regrets about breaking things off

Instead of getting dumped by his ex, was your boyfriend the one who decided to end his last relationship? In that case, one likely reason that he stays in touch with her is that he has regrets about possibly breaking things off too soon.

A sad fact is that for many dudes, the grass is always greener on the ex’s side. Time may make him forget why he wanted to call things off, and whenever he has a fight with you, he may be thinking (incorrectly, of course) that things were always easier with his ex. This is one of the most common reasons, of course, that guys get back with ex-girlfriends: the mistaken belief that things are going to finally work out this time around.

Reality check: you may be dating a bad guy

We saved the worst for last, so brace yourself. Most of the reasons above boil down to guys simply feeling lonely and scared, but some guys stay in touch with their ex because they are bad people. For example, lots of guys are control freaks, and staying in touch with an ex-girlfriend is a subtle way of staying up-to-date on her life. This can help him feel better about himself (like knowing that he still has a better job than she does) or even let him know when to try to get back together (hint: right after her next breakup, when she’ll feel hurt and vulnerable).

Another bleak reason that your boyfriend may be chatting with an ex is because he wants to cause her pain. If it was a bad breakup, he may be looking for ways to stay in her life and continue to annoy her. Worse, if he’s the one who broke things off and she wanted to stay together, he may be playing with her feelings because he likes having that much power over her.

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