The Shocking Reason Why Women Stop Having Sex With Their Husbands

What do you think the main problem in marriages is? There are many possible answers to this, ranging from one spouse not pulling their weight to both spouses feeling like they are taken for granted. However, for countless husbands all around the world, the biggest problem with their would-be marital bliss is the fact that their wives just don’t want to have sex anymore!

These men promptly dub themselves the victims of a “dead bedroom,” and they spend hours (if not days, or even weeks) trying to figure out what went wrong. One expert recently weighed in, and she thinks she’s discovered the primary reason that wives stop wanting to get down and dirty with their husbands. Just what did she figure out? Why is it so important, and how can it restore the magic to your own bedroom? Keep reading to find out!

It’s all about emotional safety

You can find just about anything on TikTok these days. And not just hilarious viral clips or killer dance moves…as it turns out, you can find advice that might just save your relationship! For example, social psychology expert Dr. Sarah Hensley recently shared a clip to TikTok where she broke down exactly why women in committed marriages stop wanting to have sex.

“The primary reason why women stop having sex with their husbands is because they don’t feel emotionally safe,” she said. This may be news to many men who worry that a lack of action in the bedroom means that their wife has her eyes on someone else. According to Hensley, though, women who stop wanting to make love with their husbands are more concerned about their emotional needs rather than their physical ones.

In that same video, she claimed that “The reason that they don’t feel emotionally safe is because their attachment needs are not being met inside of their relationship.” Unfortunately, this catches many couples in a kind of feedback loop because men who don’t understand what attachment needs are will understandably have difficulty taking care of those needs for their significant other!

RELATED: The Most Surprising Things Men Find Attractive In Women

Understanding attachment needs

So, what are attachment needs, exactly? In that same video, Dr. Sarah Hensley said that, “Attachment needs are our deepest needs inside of a romantic relationship, and if those things are not fulfilled, we will not feel emotionally safe.” This goes back to the idea of men focusing on the wrong things in marriage. They may think they are being a great husband by simply being a loyal breadwinner, but if attachment needs are not being met, their wives may feel emotionally vulnerable.

That, of course, starts to affect their willingness (or lack thereof) to have sex with their husbands. “For women, when there is a lack of emotional safety, they start feeling very unsafe giving their bodies to their partner, and they start to feel extremely unattracted to their partner.” It’s important to once again emphasize that attraction is a relative thing. A husband might have the chiseled looks of a supermodel, but if he isn’t sufficiently providing for his wife’s emotional needs, he may look downright ugly to her!

There are two kinds of women in relationships

Believe it or not, Dr. Sarah Hensley continued to drop some major bombshells in her viral TikTok video. She went on to describe how there are basically two types of women in relationships: the “anxious-preoccupied woman” and the “dismissive-avoidant woman.” These women have very different needs, so it’s important for husbands to know their wives’ personalities and provide for their emotional needs accordingly.

According to Hensley, “The anxious-preoccupied woman’s biggest need is love, affection, and reassurance.” Such women “need lots of reassurance every single day that you love them and that the relationship is stable.” By contrast, the dismissive-avoidant woman is going to care more about “space, autonomy, and lack of criticism—aka peace and harmony inside the relationship.”

What does this mean, practically speaking, for husbands? If they are married to an anxious-preoccupied woman, they will need plenty of emotional affection (including non-sexual touch, like hugging) and reassurances (for example, hearing how much their husband loves them). But a man married to a dismissive-avoidant woman will actually need to give her enough space to feel independent; otherwise, she might actually feel smothered in the relationship. 

RELATED: The Surprising Ways That Having Sex Can Save Your Relationship

What does it look like when wives aren’t having their needs met?

So, what does it actually look like when wives aren’t having their needs met by their husbands? In practical terms, these women are typically voicing their needs to their husbands as best they can. If the man never responds or responds insufficiently, it can make the woman lose trust in her man. After all, he’s supposed to take care of her (for better or for worse), and it can start to feel like a kind of neglect when he continuously fails to meet her needs.

For a more practical example, consider this: many men have anger issues, and they may end up yelling at their wives over relatively minor issues or perceived slights. This can make the anxious-preoccupied woman miserable because anger is the opposite of affection, and it can convince the dismissive-avoidant woman that there is no real harmony with her husband. What do both kinds of women have in common? Simple: they’re not going to want to have sex until their husband makes an effort to restore the peace.

One final protip for husbands is that acts can demonstrate affection just as well as words. A man who starts handling more of the dishes, laundry, and other housework is more likely to receive sex from his wife because he has demonstrated how much he loves her in a way that also gives her more energy at the end of the day!